Your child, your family and Anxiety!

Can you relate:

School refusal, hiding in their room, lashing out, angry outbursts, procrastinating, headaches, tummy aches, panic attacks, sleep difficulties, bad eating habits, frightened all the time or not being able to share how they are feeling.

For some children, it might be worse and have developed into more physical actions such as self-harm, dark thoughts or eating disorders.

I can assure you that you are not alone and if you are questioning your child’s actions and behaviours, as their parents you are right to be concerned.

Childhood anxiety tends to creep up on you, one day you wonder how and when did this start. You find yourself coping, walking on eggshells, and just waiting for the next eruption.

Trust your instincts, you know your child best and the signs and behaviour that concern you need to be taken seriously. Being anxious is not the problem, anxiety is there to protect us and keep us safe from threats and danger. However, when it takes over and stops your child from living and enjoying their lives, you need to pay attention.

To go from being anxious to developing an anxiety disorder often takes time, it can be weeks, months or even years. You cannot expect it to be resolved instantly, it is not a switch that you can flick on and off and your child is most certainly not choosing this behaviour.

Your child is battling daily and when you see or feel the anxiety in their actions, it is during the times your child is overwhelmed and unable to cope. When you see your child showing unusual behaviour, it is after they have been struggling and lost the battle in that instance.

Your child needs support from their parents, you need to understand how to be able to support your child correctly.

The problem is that often your best intentions, can escalate the situation, causing both yourself and your child to react in a way that will have a negative impact on the situation.

This is not because you are bad parents, no, it is because you are desperate to stop your child's suffering but do not have the correct tools to support them in a way that will benefit them at that moment.

School is often the trigger; it can cause school refusal and volatile behaviour. For some children being at school requires a massive amount of energy and focus. They spend the entire day keeping themselves in check. Managing their temper, their emotions and double guessing their every phrase and action.

It is no wonder that when they get home it only takes a tiny prod, one sentence, one look to send them over the edge. Remember home is their safe space... I am sure most adults have days when you walk into your home close the door and when nobody is there you just let it all out, you are safe, and no one will judge you in your safe space. For our children, it is their safe space too.

I know as a parent, you have been busy all day and when your child comes home from school all you want is to show them love, support and interest in their day. You want to know how they are, especially if we know they are struggling. It comes from the right place, yet it often goes so wrong.

It feels like you cannot say or do the right thing, and yet you are trying so hard, second-guessing what you should say or do to make them happy. Possibly even trying too hard? Your child is not being mean, difficult, or naughty.

They are simply losing a battle within themselves. They do not understand what they are feeling or why, nor do they know how to control the fear and emotions that are taking over their bodies.

You are their safe space, it is home, that is where they need to put down their guard and take a break from the battle that is going on inside them. Unfortunately, you take the punches. It may not feel like it, but the fact that they can release when they are in their home and in front of you shows you that they need YOU!

Your child is doing the best they can, they need help, and it may not feel like it, but they need support and understanding from you.