Question from a concerned parent
I can't get myself to revise, I know I should but I can't stay still and focus, what do I do?
-Harley (15)
Answer from Anxend experts
Dear Harley,
Thanks for your question, I am sorry that you are having problems revising because of poor
focus.
You also mention a number of other issues that may be contributing including poor sleep, fears and worries, struggling with school, your self-esteem and gender identity. Often poor focus or concentration is a symptom that goes with worrying and poor sleep. When this happens and you can't achieve what you want, your self-esteem can be affected.
If you are also coming to terms with gender or sexual identity issues a well, I am not surprised that you are struggling. Accepting that you have a problem is the first step because it allows you to get help. There will be lots of young people like you struggling with the same types of problems; you are not alone.
Have you been able to talk to anyone? Do you feel comfortable talking to your parents or a trusted adult about how you feel? Is there a teacher at school who you can share your feelings and concerns with?
Your School should be able to give you specific advice about studying and there is lots of advice online about the most effective ways to study. School should also be able to give you some general support
Here is one reputable website:
https://summer.harvard.edu/blog/top-10-study-tips-to-study-like-a-harvard-student/
It is also important to try and help with some of your other problems so that you can create space to study. Remember to be kind to yourself and try not to be self-critical. Do not forget your achievements. Talking with someone is usually very helpful.
At Anxend we offer a free anxiety test. It would be worth doing this to see if you might have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety can cause and be associated with lots of problems and understanding it and working on helpful strategies can be useful in relieving its unpleasant symptoms.
Anxend offers a programme that can help with anxiety. You would need to involve your parents because our programme also works with parents, and as it is a private service would need to pay for it.
There are other free services available to you- including your school and GP and local youth counselling services.
Here are several crisis services available to you:
Hope Line UK: works with those that struggle with thoughts about ending their life. It is a specialist telephone service staffed by trained professionals who give non-judgemental support, practical advice and information to children, teenagers and young people up to the age of 35 who are worried about how they are feeling or anyone who is concerned about a young person. The helpline can be contacted via telephone (0800 068 41 41), email (pat@papyrus-uk.org) or SMS (07786 209697)
Samaritans: Tel: 116 123 (24hr) - www.samaritans.org - Online and telephone support for young people and families
ChildLine, Tel: 0800 1111
Extended Hope, out of hours: 01483 517898
If you are having other problems such as feeling depressed, not eating, having thoughts of self-harm or are using drugs it would be important to access help from your GP. I would also suggest letting your parents try to help you. They may be aware that you are suffering and are likely to be pleased that you can talk to them
Studying-Specific Tips:
Firstly, make sure you have a specific place to revise, away from any distractions. Think of it almost like you want to tell your brain it only needs to go into revision mode when it’s in that space.
Then also pick a set time you want to revise for. Start with a short 30-minute regular focussed burst. It will feel a lot less daunting and will go a much longer way than aiming for 3 hours where you can’t focus or can’t get started.
Before you start, sit down and get your brain in focus mode. When my brain is all over the place, I like to write down a few bullet points about what’s worrying me so I can come back to it later. Then I like to focus on my breathing to bring myself back to the room. I pick a square in the room and follow its sides with my breathing. So, I breathe in for one side, hold for the next, breathe out for the next etc. I do that for about 10 rounds.
If you’re struggling to focus, you can follow a technique (called Pomodoro) where you set a timer to focus for 20 minutes, and then take a 5-minute break, and then start again. You’ll find it much easier to focus if it is for a shorter amount of time with regular breaks. You can also start with just doing 10 or 15 minutes then take a break if you’re finding it hard to focus. If you do 6 rounds of 15 minutes that’s a whole hour and a half of focus over two hours which is a lot!
Gwen Bonpaix
Child Coach
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