Father to an anxious child.

How times have changed. When I grew up, we had our close friends, and together we were able to experiment, make mistakes, and, most importantly, trust our friends with our secrets. My mum would say to be home when the streetlights turned on! And we were off...

She had no idea where I was or what I was up to. Now I can assure you that I was not always on my best behaviour, and I am sure, just like you, I have numerous stories of what went wrong and the trouble we got into.

But I am still here; the worst did not happen. What did happen was that I strengthened my resistance to life.

I watch my children today and often think how lucky I was to have grown up when I did. Our children do not have the same space. Where do they experiment and figure out what works for them? Where do they build real friendships? Where do they learn with friends through real-life experiences?

It is no wonder that today we find ourselves in a crisis. Children struggle to figure out who they are and how and where they fit in a world that is so instant. Where information both appropriate and inappropriate is always right at their fingertips. Our children do not have the time to figure out who they are supposed to be; somehow, at an early age, they are supposed to have all the answers. If they do not have these answers or are unsure, they are often pushed into making choices before they are ready. I am not a fan of rushing childhood, but unfortunately, that seems to be out of my hands now.

I remember being asked a question by one of my daughters, a question I did not know the answer to. She was about six at the time. I said to her I did not know the answer, and her reply was, "Don’t be silly, dad, just Google it." That is the world they live in. You do not have to learn it and figure it out; you just need to Google it.

According to current statistics, one in every six people under the age of 18 suffers from an anxiety disorder, and one in every three may be more anxious than they should be.I have three children, and statistics indicate that at least one of them will suffer from anxiety.The statistics were 100% correct.

I am not going to go into the details of her journey, but rather mine.

As a dad, I am super proud of all my children. I love to see them enjoy themselves and do well in whatever they choose to do. Obviously, I want them to achieve, but most importantly, I want them to have fun doing it.

When I watched my child withdraw into a dark and scary place, it broke me.

I felt helpless and afraid of losing her. I had no idea how to help; everything I thought would help seemed to do the exact opposite. I used techniques that my parents and teachers used on me, methods that just didn’t seem to work for her. I remember moving between being encouraged and then frustrated and finally angry, thinking that she was just being difficult. If she just tried.

The tension at home escalated. My wife and I had very different thoughts and approaches to the problem. In hindsight, why wouldn't we? We were raised in different homes, with different parents, and with different parenting techniques. When you see your child regressing rapidly and your efforts don’t seem to make a difference, it can feel like you are worlds apart. Yet my wife and I both wanted the same result. We desperately wanted to help our child; we wanted to take away the pain, and we wanted her to be happy.

I remember getting calls from my wife and being too scared to answer.

I remember being too nervous to walk in the front door at the end of the day. What horror was waiting for me—could my heart break any further?

My wife was the rock, she Googled, she spoke patiently, and she turned over every stone she could. She was relentless in finding a solution. I knew that what we were going through was not right, I knew that there had to be help out there, but honestly, it was easier to go to work and be distracted. I convinced myself that I needed work and that this problem would solve itself. I was not the best person to fix this problem. I was so wrong; it needed to be both of us.

My wife and I struggled to find help. We tried everything we could through the NHS and private health care. Nothing seemed to help. It felt like a piece of the puzzle was missing.

We often get told that things must get worse before they get better…Unfortunately, that was true. The struggle my daughter went through was unacceptable, and the strain it put on our family was not fair. It was lonely, constantly masking our feelings in front of friends and family. Trying to behave "normally"... looking back, it’s easy to ask, "What for?" Why should we have to hide this struggle? We shouldn’t have to be embarrassed when it is highly likely that your friends, neighbours, and family might be struggling too.

It takes a village to raise a child.

What I learned was that as much as my daughter was struggling, so was the rest of our family. We had no idea how to support her, and the truth is that we had no idea how overwhelming this was for our child.

She needed help and support.

The problem is that the world has changed so quickly, and our parenting techniques have not kept up. When parents have a child who is suffering from anxiety, we as parents require just as much assistance as our children. We need to learn what is going on inside their bodies that triggers this behaviour; we need to understand what we can do differently and how a child struggling with anxiety needs a different sort of support.

As a dad, do not hide from it, your children need you more than ever. They need their heroes.

There is help for you. You are not doing anything wrong; you just don’t have the instruction manual for this model yet.

Father to an anxious child.

When I watched my child withdraw into a dark and scary place, it broke me.

I remember getting calls from my wife and being too scared to answer.

It takes a village to raise a child.

As a dad, do not hide from it, your children need you more than ever. They need their heroes.

You are not alone.