Negotiating Motherhood Whilst Existing in A State of “Fight or Flight”

My younger self would have yelled at me, “You have it all, everything you’ve ever dreamed of” and she wouldn’t be wrong. A supportive partner, a loving family, our own home, and now, the opportunity to be “mummy” that I had previously thought I would never become.

So why is it that I continue to feel overwhelmed by anxiety? Worries or situations, that may never come to fruition rob me of the attention and calm I need to enjoy the dream that is my life now.

I fear never being able enjoy these moments, the “now’s”, the parts of my life that I should look back on with joy.

I’m scared that I’ll lose these moments to the panic I feel around even the smallest thoughts.

That I’m failing my family because I haven’t dusted the skirting boards last week, that I’m losing whole nights to the thoughts that my 2-year-old daughter isn’t sleeping through.

Instead of being able to just hold her and cherish the moment, I let the fear of the “what ifs” and the unknowns steal that joy from me and my family. 

However, it was during one of those moments with a mind full of what I know now to be racing thoughts that I accepted that yes, I have anxiety, and yes, I had wasted too much time allowing it to overwhelm me.

It was then that I made the choice that I would be the person to take control and make conscious changes to stop it from holding me back. I was certainly going to stop giving it direct access to steal valuable moments from my daughter's story. 

The truth is that motherhood is hard. Anxiety is harder. Negotiating motherhood while living with an anxiety disorder in a constant state of “fight or flight” can feel almost impossible at times.

Looking at what I have learned and understood about how anxiety affects us and with my increased confidence in my ability to control its effect on me, I wonder if my overactive Amygdala, and the debilitating anxiety this caused me, allowed me to find something new.

The understanding and strategy to overcome the debilitating effects of anxiety. Something I am passionate about and something that I can give my daughter.

The tools needed to grow into a resilient young woman, able to regulate her emotions and every second of her dreams.