‘School Refusal’ and Anxiety: A Supportive Guide for Parents
The challenge of children and young people struggling to attend school has grown significantly since the Covid era.
This used to be called ‘school refusal’ but is now more correctly described as ‘emotionally based school non-attendance’ (EBSNA) to acknowledge the root cause as anxiety, and not simply that children are ‘choosing to refuse.’
According to the BBC, more than one in five children in England are frequently missing school. Pre-pandemic levels one in ten children were persistently absent from school, so it is clear this is a growing problem.
For parents, navigating these challenges can feel overwhelming. This guide aims to provide you with a practical step-by-step approach to supporting your children struggling with anxiety-related school refusal.
Understanding EBSNA/School Refusal
‘School refusal’ isn't simply an act of defiance. It is often a complex issue that can be driven by a variety of emotional or psychological factors, such as fear of failure, social anxiety, or broader worries about the world.
It's crucial to distinguish between truancy and anxiety-based refusal. Truant children typically don't express fear or anxiety about attending school; they may just prefer to do something else. On the other hand, anxiety-based refusal is often accompanied by emotional distress.
Practical Steps for Parents
Step 1: Open and Honest Communication
Understanding begins with communication. Start by talking to your child about how they are feeling and what specifically triggers their anxiety around attending school.
They may not know, so work with them to understand. Is it social interactions, fear of academic failure, or something else?
Make it clear the conversation is judgement free, (you are trying to understand and offer help rather than them being in trouble), so they feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Validate their emotions (let them know that you are taking them seriously) and help them understand what triggers their anxiety.
Listen carefully to what your child says and reassure them they are not alone with how they are feeling, be aware of any negative self-talk and support them to love themselves.
Step 2: School Collaboration
Meet with your child’s teachers, and the school’s pastoral team, they are well equipped to support your child during challenging times.
Discuss the issue openly and explore any adjustments that might make your child feel more comfortable. This could include:
Having a designated 'safe space' in school where your child can go if they feel overwhelmed
Adaptations to classroom settings, like specific seating arrangements
Adaptations to the school day, like leaving class a little earlier, when corridors are less busy
Potential for tailored homework or assessment methods
Step 3: Routine and Preparation
A consistent routine can sometimes alleviate anxieties and offer comfort by providing predictability. If mornings are a struggle full of resistance, take time to examine your family’s morning routine.
Is there a way to make it more calming? Is there anything about the routine that could be triggering your child’s anxiety?
Simple ways to improve the routine could include introducing a calming activity before leaving the house or playing their favourite music on the way to school.
If there is no morning routine put one in place with your child’s input to help them feel in control over their mornings.
Step 4: Small Goals
If full days at school are too overwhelming speak to the school about a gradual reintroduction.
Start small: Aim for a few hours for the first few days, then slowly increase the amount of time spent at school in line with your child’s comfort levels.
Don’t push them to spend longer than they are comfortable with, or you may risk losing the progress you’ve built up.
A phased approach could help your child to confront their anxiety in manageable stages.
Step 5: Emotional Tools
Help your child identify when they start feeling anxious. Teach them simple, calming techniques like deep breathing or counting to ten.
If listening to music, try to hum along. Perhaps do it together for fun. Humming stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system which is calming.
Discuss these techniques with the school to ensure they can be employed during school hours if needed.
Step 6: Monitor and Adapt
Managing anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all approach.
You may need to revisit and revise your strategies based on what’s effective for your child. Keep communicating with your child and the school and be willing to adapt your approach.
If you know an upcoming event at school could trigger your child’s anxiety address it in advance with them and ensure they feel supported and able to speak to you about their anxiety.
The Bigger Picture
It's important to note that issues of EBSNA/school refusal often don't have quick fixes.
What works for one child may not necessarily work for another. Keep the dialogue open and be prepared to try various strategies to find what works best for your child.
Understanding and addressing EBSNA/school refusal, particularly when driven by anxiety, can be a long process that involves both parents and educators. Remember it isn’t a case of your child not wanting to go to school it is that they feel they physically can’t go.
However, with a thoughtful and supportive approach, progress can be made. Schools also have a role to play in creating an environment where children feel safe and supported. By working together, we can help our children overcome the hurdles that keep them from attending school.
The first thing that we recommend is taking the free anxiety test to understand how serious your child’s anxiety is. Understanding your child’s current anxiety levels will help you to determine what actions you should take first and if you need to seek professional help.
