Managing Christmas Overwhelm

Although meant to be a time of celebration, in reality, the lead-up to Christmas and Christmas itself can be a very stressful time for all… there might be;

• Pressure to ensure everything is ‘perfect’;

• Worries about where money is going to come from;

• A lack of time to go shopping as already very busy;

• Pressure about what gifts to choose for whom;

• What special activities to book to make the season fun;

• Tension around spending time with a dreaded family member;

• Concern it might be a loved one’s last Christmas due to illness;

… and the list goes on.

Children are excellent barometers of what is going on in their home; if a parent is feeling stressed, their child most definitely will pick up on the atmosphere being created around them.  When a child is already feeling anxious, the addition of a stressed parent moves the barometer from ‘just coping’ to ‘feeling overwhelmed’.

As a parent, we can easily make assumptions about our children and not realise, with good intentions, that we actually become part of the anxious ‘problem’ rather than the ‘solution’.

Questions to consider…

Have you asked your child:

How they feel about Father Christmas coming into their bedroom…

and leaving presents at the foot of their bed whilst they’re asleep?  An anxious child might dread the thought of being fast asleep and have some strange man peering at them whilst they are at their most vulnerable.  If your child would rather find Father Christmas’s presents elsewhere in the house, offer to help them write a letter to Father Christmas, asking for the presents to be put wherever your child prefers.

What they would like to do during the leadup to Christmas.

When a child is feeling anxious, the emotion stems from fear… fear of the unknown and lack of control.  Don’t assume your child would like to visit Father Christmas and the elves, ice skate or visit friends/family.

Instead, ask and plan.  Ask your child what activities they find fun and plan together.  Seeing friends/extended family may not be negotiable where your child’s anxious needs are concerned; however, using distraction techniques will help, for instance, seeing a least favourite relative can be planned between loved activities to soften the blow.

Use a visual aid such as a calendar of the Christmas period and agree together on what is going to happen when – write this up and put it somewhere that is very visible.  Managing a child’s expectations will help reduce anxiety as it provides boundaries and as few surprises as possible.

On the whole, children like routine and anxious children especially rely on routine to manage their fear-driven emotions. It is important to remember anxiety means the sufferer will be looking for the perceived threat to life (in anatomy and physiology terms), so when all aspects of an event (no matter how lovely) are discussed, agreed and planned, expectations through knowledge/information is better managed by your child.

How they are feeling on a day-to-day basis…

It is important to continually (without nagging) reassess how your child is feeling and coping with the new ‘routine’ over the festive season. 

Is your child seeming to;

• Regress to their bedroom and not be as sociable as they have been;

• Answer back, be irritable and react negatively more often;

• Be unwilling to participate;

• Worry more about the ‘what ifs’;

• Cry more;

• Be out of control during outbursts;

• Be clingier and need reassurance, etc.

Be mindful that your child might need some ‘normal’ activities to help them feel less overwhelmed and balance their emotions.  Sleep patterns might be disturbed by the excitement of festivities, so is to be expected.

Reduce Sugar Rushes

During the festive season, we tend to let go of any ‘balanced diets’ and indulge in chocolates, sweets and desserts. It is important to be mindful that sugar highs and lows will affect any person’s behaviour and have a more detrimental effect on a child who is already feeling anxious. 

Although fruit is good for us, bear in mind, that they do contain sugar, no matter how natural that can spike and dip. 

If you have not experienced a sugar high or low, consider when you have consumed too much caffeine… it is hard to regulate how you are feeling when your body is filled with a chemical; for your child, on a normal day, that chemical is adrenaline sprinkled with cortisol (a stress hormone).

To experience an imbalance of sugar on top of adrenaline and cortisol would be a challenge for any individual, let alone a child who does not have a developed ‘thinking brain’ to help them reason why and what they are feeling in their body.

Without appearing to be a Scrooge, try rationing your child’s intake of sugary foods, though can appreciate, when having an advent calendar, the day starts reminding your child chocolate is on the menu from wake-up time.

Advent calendars can be swapped for something healthier, such as having a wooden tree with little drawers that contain a little gift you have placed instead of a chocolate offering.

Remember to Leave the House

During Christmas and New Year, it is easy to forget to leave the house and go for a walk or do some sort of outdoor activity. 

Once Father Christmas has visited, children tend to become absorbed in their new toys which might be indoor-based rather than a football, skateboard, or other outdoor equipment. 

Any form of exercise is great at burning off stored adrenaline that has nowhere to go in the body. Being outside in the fresh air helps an anxious child burn off the chemicals their body is producing and replace ‘danger’ signals with ‘rest and restore’ signals. 

Running through rustling leaves and feeling the weather (hopefully sunshine) on your face is good for balancing emotions that may have more recently been frayed due to the hustle and bustle of Christmas. 

There is no doubt Christmas is a busy time and it is good to come out the other side in one piece and enjoy something that brings peace to the mind.

Perfection is in the Eye of the Beholder

At this time of year, we as parents put ourselves under enormous pressure to provide the perfect Christmas for our loved ones.

We can be so busy planning and organising, that we forget what the festive season is about and, without sounding corny, it’s about spending quality time together, sprinkled with a few meaningful gifts.  

It is important to be mindful that our need to deliver a perfect Christmas does not, in fact, impact our child by increasing their anxiety.

What would be the point of giving our idea of perfection only to realise our child is having the worst time feeling fearful instead of safe and secure?!