Separated Families At Christmas
Christmas has always held an incredibly special place in my heart. It was clear that from a very early age, I was taught that family is an incredibly important part of Christmas, and I have carried that throughout my adulthood.
When I was a child, my family was very close, and I therefore did not know any different than sharing that special time with both my mum and dad and my siblings all in one house.
Fast forward a few years, and my parents have suddenly separated. I was about 12 at the time, and it was close to Christmas. I did not know how to articulate my thoughts or feelings, and I used to think it was my fault that my parents did not want to be together anymore. The thought of my parents being separated at Christmas filled me with so much frustration, uncertainty, and anxiety, and I found it hard to want to celebrate it anymore.
Many families may go through a similar experience. Children, in particular, might be contemplating why their Christmases have changed. It's important to help them rationalise why this Christmas might be different from the last. It is a very tough time of year for some families and a magical one for others.
I spent so much time as a child throughout Christmas upset and worried that I forgot to find the joy in the little things at this special time of year, like the lights, the music, the food, and people coming together to spread cheer.
When a child witnesses their parents' separation, they might see a new blended family dynamic emerge, such as the introduction of stepparents. This can be very hard for children to understand, and there may be a little bit of distress or discomfort. This little guide is to help you help your children understand they are not alone in feeling this way:
Children who experience anxiety may sometimes feel the need to be in control. Therefore, it's crucial to help them understand why Christmas may be different this year, with a conversation focused on the holiday season and the current family situation.
Aim to normalise the change as much as possible and ensure your attitude towards your child remains consistent and supportive.
Let the children express their feelings without taking it personally. This can be quite hard if you have blended families, as the children may not be able to articulate their thoughts.
Make time to enjoy the little things and focus on the positives.
If your new partner has introduced new children into the family, ensure that all children are treated equitably and no one feels excluded. It's common for children to feel pushed out, confused, and unhappy with environmental changes, so maintaining a high level of awareness and sensitivity is crucial.
Equal treatment and equal opportunities for the children; for example, if you are baking, try to involve the whole family. This creates bonds and better relationships.
The purpose of this blog is not to shame, blame, or cause upset, but rather to make you aware that children's brains are emotionally wired, and therefore, they cannot often rationalise their feelings.
By talking to their children and treating them equally, parents can help them build better connections. This approach aids in moving forward positively and healthily and contributes to helping children enjoy Christmas.
