Winter Wellness: Nurturing Family Mental Health as the Year Ends'
Christmas can be a very exciting time, full of magic, presents, relaxing, and lots of good food. While some children look forward to this time all year, others find the time away from their regular routine difficult and can lead to triggering or worsening of anxiety. Think back to when COVID-19 came into our lives and the schools closed. Perhaps you stopped going to work and were stuck inside for the foreseeable future. This may have been very enjoyable at first and then the lack of structure may have gotten to you. And you even might find yourself creating a daily routine for yourself to break up the day. This is what we recommend doing for your children at Christmas. Remember: they have stopped going to school, they have stopped their afterschool sessions and clubs, and they have stopped seeing their friends regularly.
Seasonal Routines:
Creating regular family routines can counteract the chaos of winter schedules and can help prevent the exacerbation of anxiety. Those with existing anxiety and/or autism spectrum disorder often thrive off routine and planning. So here are some tips of how to create a fun and flexible routine for your Christmas:
Get them involved:
Not many children like to be told what to do and when. When creating a schedule, it’s important to get them involved in the process so they have some control over their day. This doesn’t mean they are going to enjoy everything but getting them to help you create the routine will encourage them to stick to it and help them feel more empowered. A good idea is to get them to write it out and put it on the fridge so they can see it.
Create non-negotiables:
To give structure to the day, some things should be non-negotiable. This might include routines left over from school days such as bedtime, mealtimes, and chores like helping to cook dinner or clearing up afterwards.
Schedule relaxation/ quiet time:
There should be periods in their day when they can do things that they find fun or relaxing. Whether that’s curling up with a good book, playing games, or sitting in front of the TV for a bit – it is their Christmas after all. What they do with their time is up to them, but having a set start and stop time is useful to continue that structure and helps mentally prepare them for when they need to finish up and do something else.
Family bonding time:
This might not be something a child necessarily wants to do at the moment, and this is okay. It’s important to recognise that these activities are somewhat mandatory however they can help choose what you do, and how you spend your time. Bonding as a family is so important and it’s these memories that a child will carry with them. We’ll talk more about this in a moment.
Building in visits from relatives:
This is a busy time of year and having a day where you are visiting family or they are visiting you, can be so hard for children and their routines can be discarded in a heartbeat. This is why it’s important to incorporate these into the routine and allow some flexibility. Include the relatives in the family bonding time that day, and allow your child to have that well-deserved hour of alone time. But also, be selective with who you see at Christmas. Remember that it can be difficult for all children to see lots of faces that they haven’t seen in a while. Spread them out, and some can be left to be seen in the new year.
Indoor Activities:
We know that exercise helps calm anxiety by reducing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol and releasing feel-good hormones like endorphins. But after all sports clubs stopped for Christmas, and the weather became dire, it’s time to move activities indoors. As we talked about before, family bonding time can be built into your routine and daily schedule. This can be group activities that you all do at the same time such as painting by numbers or diamond art; or something you do together such as making a gingerbread house or some Christmas baking. Non-screen-based activities are better to help get talking and have fun together. You could do a puzzle, decorate the Christmas tree, or play a board game. Even better, these things can be done every year, and you can start to make your traditions that your children look forward to. Once again, get them involved – see what activity they’d like to do. This time is not only important to bond and spend time as a family but also to slow down the fast pace of the house. It’s been shown that rushing around can stimulate the fight, flight, and freeze response, particularly in those with pre-existing anxiety. Having this hour or two where you stop tidying the house or making dinner, is so important for slowing everything down and creating a calm, relaxing environment.
Year-End Reflection:
Let’s take a look at the last 12 months. What have you achieved and how can we celebrate that? What challenges have you overcome or are you working through? Let’s recognise and celebrate those strengths! Reflecting and focusing on good things in the past is not something that often comes naturally to those with anxiety. It’s easy to focus on the bad and the future and we tend to ignore those achievements that we have had or overlook them.
As part of one of your family bonding sessions or perhaps around the dinner table, I encourage you to look back on everyone’s successes and challenges in 2023. They don’t have to be huge life achievements; they could be small things that they have overcome. Perhaps, they have asked for help for the first time or have started something new that they weren’t comfortable with at first. These are big achievements and reinforcing that is only going to set up 2024 to be even better.
Planning Ahead:
It’s nearly the new year and with that comes this expectation of setting big New Year's resolutions. Perhaps you want to get back into the gym, or your child wants to pass their end-of-year exams. While goals are good things to have, setting New Year’s resolutions can sometimes be counterproductive. Evidence shows that nearly 50% of people quit their New Year’s resolution by the end of January. So, what are we doing wrong? Many things… but most likely the goals are too big, too broad, and too unachievable. For an aim to come to fruition, they need to be SMART goals. This is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-oriented. In this way, very specific achievements can be accomplished.
However, not setting goals at all is good too and sometimes a much better approach. Promoting forward-looking and a positive mindset can help with the January blues. What is your child looking forward to next year? Perhaps their birthday, a holiday, or their school play? Perhaps they look back on their year and are looking forward to feeling better about themselves. Perhaps they are looking forward to going back to school. Whatever it may be, finishing your Christmas and your year with a positive outlook and with your children looking forward to another year is all we can ask for.
So, from the Anxend team, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
